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Man of 1,000 Thoughts: GOP? More like GOPoop

Dear Man of 1,000 Thoughts,

I watched the most recent GOP debate and I’m trying to make my decision on who to vote for. Who do you think won the debate?

I caught most of the last half. I've never been one to understand politics and the passion some people can seem to muster for an ideology of which they do not fully understand. The system has become incredibly transparent in recent years it's as if every statement made by a politician is given with a wink to say "Everything I'm saying is bullshit, and you're so dumb you're still gonna eat it…” and people do.

There must have been over ten Republicans on stage, I thought parties are supposed to have some semblance of unity. You have like 11 white guys, one black guy, and one woman arguing with each other over the same view points. For the life of me I can't differentiate between the candidates other than for their attitudes. That's not even much of a span; they're all angry and love Jesus.

As nice as that is, why do I care? Where's the substance? Don't worry, as I saw, most of their policies to lead and help the nation consist of "that's Obama's fault," and "They're persecuting Christians." Now, I understand the rhetorical strategy of pandering and playing to people's emotion, and when the majority of your fan base are bigots, those kind of statements make sense. However, it was executed in such an overt manner, as I mentioned previously, I don't understand how each and every audience member didn't read it for what it was: "Please like me."

There was no tact or subtlety. In case you want to try to misinterpret this with a gross lack of reading comprehension, I'm not saying you're not allowed to dislike President Obama's policies. You can disagree with him as much as you'd like, and that can be valid, but when the majority a highly publicized and widely seen debate, which is meant to show your policies and how you stand out from your competition, consists of who can shout and blame President Obama the best, it turns it into a joke. It's no longer a debate, it's a show. It's entertainment. I've been watching professional wrestling long enough to know when I'm being worked.

Before everyone gets their undies twisted, yes, they did discuss roughly two issues. Defunding Planned Parenthood (this was #1 priority for most of them.) Because that's an immediate threat to our nation, okay. Seriously, the amount of time they spent on this issue, the fact that it was even discussed as an issue is pathetic. Maybe I'm evil and I like killing babies, or maybe I'm the opposite and don't care about women's rights, but why is this even being talked about? Leave it alone, it's not impacting anyone. Save it for on the job discussion, JESUS. How feeble does one have to be to debate this on a world stage. A bunch of men (and one woman) debating something only relevant to women as if they have any authority on the issue. Things like the economy exist, and our education system. Those are the small ones though.

What else? War. I don't give three flying cheese balls about war in the Middle East. I don't live there, dummy, and neither do you. Again, extreme and passionate yelling about going to war. Great. I'm trying to find a job, yo. I don't care how your old, liver spotted head feels about Iran's attitude.

Nothing relevant to the United States citizen was discussed. Nothing. But that's not all! That was the debate, but we had quite an interesting show, too.

But, but, but, Man of 1,000 Thoughts...who won?

Donald Trump's been on fire (some people wish) and people were expecting nothing less than another stellar performance from the billionaire. However, something interesting happened. His whole gimmick of being unapologetically rude and transparently ignorant that got him so far backfired.

You see, he has said so many outlandish things already, that it became impossible for him to top himself. In other words, his shtick got stale; we've seen it all before. You can't just keep doing the same thing over and over again. Why do you think I had to start adding socially conscious, morally charged endings to my column? It changed from Seinfeld to Scrubs real fast.

And so, Trump became too confident and got comfortable. Carly Fiorina took this as an opportunity to catch Trump off guard. Judging by what the media are forcing down our throats, we're supposed to think it worked. She showed herself as equally assertive and unafraid to challenge Trump, but much more thoughtful in her ideas and word choice.

Meanwhile Chris Christie (video above) thought it was his time to shine and thoroughly humiliated himself when he tried to cut a promo on them about their bickering. It gets an honorable mention, Chris. Sincerely, nice try. You saw how it was working for Trump and thought you'd get in on the piece of the pie, but you were trying too hard and it showed. Meanwhile, Carson looks like he’s just there to be amused because he’s got nothing better to do that night.

Rubio has a lot going for him, and by that I mean he's well spoken, young and good looking. Policies and politics don't matter. If they want someone who will give the Democrats a run for their money, it's Rubio. Especially against old word bagel shop owner Bernie Sanders.

What else? Oh, Ted Cruz straight up scares the f*** out of me. The way he looks, his voice...come on, man.

Who should you vote for? Decide for yourself. This is the problem with politics. Stop asking people who you're supposed to like. Pick someone.

Modern conservatism may seem out of touch with today's culture, especially to a lot of college students. It might seem like old rehashed rhetoric when you hear them screaming about keeping government's dirty hands out of as many things as possible, and it is. But I can say that having been at WestConn for four years and having dealt with even the bottom level of state government bureaucracy, it's hell. There's a reason why it's old and rehashed, there's truth to it. Just do yourself a favor and look at who's saying it and why, it's not hard to spot authenticity if you look.

Have a question for the Man of 1,000 Thoughts? Go to our "Contact/Submit" page or tweet him at @thoughts1000.

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