Man of 1,000 Thoughts: Friendship
Q: What matters more in a friendship, the amount of time or how you’re treated and how you feel about someone?
A: I hear sentiments like this one tossed around a lot, especially on pretentious social media posts that are shared through the world and computer screens of the worst kind of hipsters, new age hippies and wannabe smart people that 2015 has to offer. The reason it’s so popular and shared so much is because, very honestly, it is a wonderful sentiment and it is true. It’s true that how somebody makes you feel is more important than time spent with someone because how somebody makes you feel consists of factors like trust, happiness, what someone actually does for you. Time is what it is on the surface; it’s time.
My “voice” or “satire,” or whatever you’d like to call it seems to be going over people’s heads as of late. In other words, some of my audience is uncultured and narrow-minded and can’t accept a different way of proving a point. Any form of entertainment that isn’t their own offends them. Basically, they’re intolerant. Grow up.
But some people can’t do it or don’t know how to do it. Is it their fault? Yes. Do they know any better? No, and I don’t want my message diluted in their tiny perception, so I’m going to flatten out a bit here and be clear.
One sentiment might be more powerful than the other. It may even be more meaningful than the other. But just because how you are with someone matters more than time with someone, it doesn’t mean that time doesn’t matter. Time matters. Loyalty counts for something, and I think it can count for a lot. You could be friends with someone for years and not like them so much, stop being friends and not speak to them for years. But those are the types of relationships where you get to know someone, and you get to know them really well. There is something to be said for choosing someone. Even if someone was not the nicest, or the most respectful or giving friend, the fact is they stuck with you. Isn’t that enough? That is worth something. How much? That’s up to you.
But, it is quantifiable, and time does not matter as much. Time is time, and it can’t dictate your decision to stay with someone. Friendships or relationships or marriages, it doesn’t matter. People change and their feelings change, and it’s great to grow over time with someone. But if at some point you grow apart, then you owe it to both of you to not feign and pretend that your friendship is more important than a blossoming one that gives you that special feeling. People who think otherwise are deciding out of fear. They’re afraid. That’s natural, but it’s not okay; it’s wrong and they’re doing themselves a disservice. It’s always sad to see people like that, who are afraid to move on because of time spent with someone, even if they’re not happy.
